HOW I WENT FROM CRAPPY TO HAPPY

4 ½ years ago I was a sorry sight. 

Three of my most important relationships were in the crapper…my sister and I weren’t speaking, things with my best friend were going downhill fast, and my husband and I were ready to kill each other.  

My sons were 13 and 16 then, well into the” I’m embarrassed I even have parents” stage. 

I was in my 7^th year of working at a job that was low paying, and challenging only to my nerves rather than my skill set, because I’d spent the past 16 years raising my family, not pursuing my dream career. I’d sacrificed my own personal goals to support my husband’s career, run our household and be a mother. 

 I was banging my head against the wall every day trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. 

Why couldn’t I figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up? 

I was depressed, confused and pissed off.

One day I did something “selfish”. 

I went to an all day Oprah Magazine seminar that featured experts in their fields who write for her magazine.

I saw Martha Beck speak about her love of training life coaches, and a flash of possibility jolted through me. 

What if I could be a life coach?

I usually was the one who had my shit together. 

I loved helping my friends, family and students make brave steps, define boundaries, and helped them believe in themselves. 

I took a huge personal risk and enrolled in Martha’s program- full of terror and self- doubt. 

The economy was in shambles, financial institutions collapsing daily, President Obama had just been elected and the fear in the air was palpable. 

What a great time to start a new business!?!?!

Jumping forward into today where I am happier and more fulfilled than I ever thought possible.

I have wonderful new and different relationships with my sister and my friend.

My husband and I just celebrated our 22^nd anniversary, and Alex has been inspired by my success to throw off his corporate shackles and start his own business. 

My boys are now young men who’ve proudly watched me build a thriving coaching practice from the ground up.

I have the most amazing group of people in my life now, none of which would have happened if I hadn’t made that huge leap in the darkness in 2008. 

The universe has conspired to assist me since I made up my mind, and got out of my own way. 

Here’s what I’ve stopped doing that's transformed my life….

1. I stopped living in fear.
2. I stopped trying so hard.
3. I stopped trying to fix other people
4. I stopped thinking that success has to be difficult.
5. I stopped thinking I have to work first, and play later to be successful.
6. I stopped strategizing and being so damned logical.
7.  I stop and rest when I am tired rather than pushing through.
8.  I stopped hiding from my gifts.
9.  I stopped watching the crime blotter, otherwise known as “the news”.
10.  I stopped playing small so that other people would like me.

 Next month. I’ll tell you more about how I stopped doing these things, and what I started doing instead.

I Am The Mojo Whisperer

I love nothing more than to help people get their mojo back. In fact, it's the request I get most from new clients. I've realized from coaching hundreds of people over the last four years, that finding, coaxing and magnifying mojo is actually what I do best. It's my gift. I can coax mojo out of the darndest places. Places where most of us forget to look, or have lost the map to entirely. Honestly, I have yet to find a person that I cannot identify their own unique mojo potion. Most people have an idea of what mojo is- confidence, swag, spirit, luck. I have a little different take on it. I believe mojo is your M- Magical O- Original J-   Joyful O- Offering to the world And the more you engage your magical, original, joyful offering to the world, the more your mojo multiplies.  The moment you recognize what constitutes your own mojo -begin using it in everything you do. No more conforming, no more making yourself small, no more doubting your gifts. You may not  believe this, but an integral part of your mojo is probably something that you've tried to change about yourself- to make it easier to fit in.  The one thing that is universal about our mojo- it is built on a foundation of authenticity. Always.  I love mojo whispering so much, I've decided to re-brand my business to reflect my identification with it. I am also declaring out loud that I am writing a book on the process of magnifying your mojo. Yes, I am. A daunting, terrifying and exciting undertaking to be sure. But I believe that I will rise to the challenge. Wish me luck!

Hit Unsubscribe!

I am in the process of simplifying my life.

Too many things are competing for my attention. 

I’m sure you can relate to the feeling of burnout from too many emails, invitations, newsletters, and frankly-too many choices. 

We have more choices now than ever before. 

And it’s exhausting.  

So I’m getting rid of diversions, time suckers, and obligations that don’t feel good anymore. 

I’m ditching things that are not necessary, not helpful, and don’t bring me joy.

The first casualty is my email in box. 

I’ve been receiving four emails a day, two for each email address I use, from Bath and Body Works- for I don’t know how many years. 

Really? 

Am I going to miss out on some sort of soap or lotion offer that is going to rock my socks off?  

I doubt it.  

How about Bloomingdale’s where I bought a gift online two years ago, and have since been treated to daily updates and offerings?

Nope. 

Even worse is the American Muscle Car company that has been inundating me with emails since I bought my son specialty car head lights for his Mustang.  

This is CRAP!

I do not need to hear from that place again until next Christmas!

So I went on a wild unsubscribe binge and took no prisoners.

I unsubscribed to newsletters from colleagues that I don’t read, restaurants I don’t frequent, stores that I bought one item at and consequently am deluged with emails for the rest of my life.

I did hear a little fearful voice in my head say, “Hey, what if I miss something?”  I calmed myself by thinking… I can always re-subscribe.

If I find that I am missing some amazing information or sale offer, I can easily get back on the list. 

If my newsletter produces any angst for you, unsubscribe!

I will get over it!

I’d rather have fewer very invested readers than a ton of people that aren’t really interested, and can’t even remember who the heck I am.

Since my inbox hatchet job, I cannot believe the how much calmer I feel. 

I had no idea how distracting looking at those extraneous messages was, and that each one was making me a teensy bit anxious by showing up regularly, asking for some attention. 

It’s so important to lessen the stimulus that bombards us in a negative way. 

So, when you are done unsubscribing from junk emails, go on to ditching magazine subscriptions for mags you don’t read, put your phone number on the Do Not Call registry for telemarketers, and scroll through your DVR and stop recording shows you don’t watch. 

When you’re really on a roll, go through one drawer in your house and ask your self these questions…

Is it useful?

Is it beautiful?

Does it bring me joy? 

If the answer is no to all of these questions- get rid of it. 

Donate it to an organization that can use it. 

Think of it like Woody in Toy Story. 

He wants to be played with and loved. 

When Andy got too old to play with Woody, he gave him to a little girl who would love him, rather than keeping him in the back of a closet to collect dust.

Do that with your stuff. 

We’ve all got things that are weighing us down, and taking up mental or physical space. 

Just start with one thing, and see how you feel.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to attack the tragic wreckage that is my toiletry cabinet under my bathroom sink. 

If you don’t hear from me for a while, come looking for me- it’s scary under there! Happy simplifying!

Keisha Goes To The Gym- Yes, Hell Has Frozen Over.

Most of you know that I started working out with a personal trainer last month. 

As a former gym-o-phobic (I blame my satanic middle school gym teachers), it took just the right trainer to make me feel comfortable enough to conquer this fear. 

I needed someone who was just the right combination of loving, yet ass-kicking.  
Enter Michelle Adams, personal trainer.(www.MichelleAdamsPT.com) 

I met her when she attended one of my monthly life coaching meetup groups, and I found her to be sweet, genuine, and approachable. 

She found just the right group of three other lovely women for me to train with and my  journey to fitness is now underway.  

I thought you might enjoy some of the shitty thoughts that have crossed my mind in the last month while working out, and how I chose to turn them around into positives.  

Shitty thought No. 1-
"I am going to look like a total dork in my ugly workout wear, and I should wait until I am smaller to buy anything cute to exercise in."

Replacement thought-
"Get your ass to the store and buy a few comfy things you like in pretty colors so that you somewhat look forward to getting to the gym."

Shitty thought No.2-
"There are going to be a bunch of perfect looking gym rat Barbies there,  and I'll be completely intimidated and want to run home, hide under the covers and eat 3 sleeves of Oreos."

Replacement thought-
"Stop judging yourself and start doing something about your health, dammit."

Shitty thought No. 3-
"Wow, I'm pretty lame because this lady, Candy, next to me is a 60 year old grandma and 
she is doing way harder stuff than I am."

Replacement thought-
"Make working out part of your life, Keisha, and when you are 60, you'll still be smokin' hot like Candy. She's an awesome role model of what's possible!"

Shitty thought No. 4-
"People who hire personal trainers are self-absorbed, shallow and superior."

Replacement thought-
"This lady, Shere', in my group is one of the nicest, most down to earth, loving and kind people I've ever met. Stop lying."

Shitty thought No. 5-
"You can't do this. It's too hard, and maybe you're too old."

Replacement thought-
"Bullshit."


Don't misunderstand me here, this is still not easy.

But it is getting a bit easier every session, even though there has been some physical discomfort getting used to the weight training.

I have almost no body awareness in my back and chest which can be downright hilarious when poor Michelle is trying to correct my form. 

"You want me to put what? Where? Wait, show me again. Yes, again." 

I already feel stronger and my husband, Alex, says he can feel my muscles forming. 

And, when I actually do something about what I complain about (in this case, my fitness level), the mean girl who lives in my head and berates me shuts her trap and chills out.  

Amazing how that works.

Bottom line- if there is an area of your life that you are unhappy about, do something about it. 

Make a commitment to yourself and enlist help from a friend or a professional. 

Sometimes it's hard to kick your own ass.

Sometimes it's worth it to hire someone to kick it for you. 

Nicely:) 

Mammograms, Pink Hair and a Hootenanny

                                          "Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History"
                                                          -Laurel Thatcher Ulrich                                            


I'm turning 44 next month, and I'm throwing myself a party.
A fantastic birthday party with a big fat cake, decorations, food and music. 
"Don't you want to wait until your 45th birthday to have a party, Keisha?" my pragmatic husband, Alex, asked.
"That's a more important birthday. 44 isn't as big of a deal." 
I suppose that's practical. 
44 isn't a "big birthday". 
Yet something about this year has me fired up, and I want to make ever single minute count. 
I didn't really know why until I went last month to get a mammogram. 


Right before I get to put my breasts in a radiation vise, I fill out the medical form I've filled out so many times before.
Name- Keisha Gallegos
Age-43. 
Have you ever had a mammogram before? Yes.
Do you have a family history of breast cancer? Yes.  
Who? Mother. 
Age when diagnosed-43.


Funny~they never ask you what ever happened with all that cancer business.  
She died, I want to say. 
My mother died. 
At 45. 
Of breast cancer. 
She found a lump just a few days before her 44th birthday. 
Her 44th year was filled with fear, confusion, surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation.  
She lost her hair, her health, and her dignity.   


My mom never had birthday parties as an adult.  
She would always say her birthday was no big deal. 


On the other hand,  I am a celebrator! 
I'll celebrate anything...birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, the first Thursday of the month-whatever.  Any excuse for a party.  
So when I realized that I am the same age my mom was when she was diagnosed with the disease that ultimately killed her, I decided that I was going to celebrate my 44th year in a very different way.  
I am in the prime of my life~happier than I've ever been.
I'm married to the love of my life for 21 years. 
My kids are happy, healthy, productive people.
I have better relationships now than ever. 
I'm doing work that I love, and watching my clients dreams come true while I live out my own.
I am taking better care of myself emotionally, physically and spiritually than ever before.
I have a lot to celebrate.  


Alex asked me if I wanted him to take over the party planning. 
"No," I said casually. I am actually quite proud of the fact that I am throwing my own party and I don't care who knows about it.
I'm not going to wait for a more important birthday to celebrate my life. 
I'm going to shake my booty for any old reason I feel like it. 
Arbor day, flag day, or even my un-birthday. 
AND I put bright pink streaks in my hair.  
Why? 
Because I can, and because I'm never going to be as young as I am today.  
That's why. 
Because since when do I give a rip about being practical? 
Not now, and hopefully not ever.
Go out and do something to celebrate yourself.
Don't wait for a "good reason".
You are here, you're alive, and you are worth making a fuss over. 
Tell me what kind of a soiree you throw yourself- today!


  

Got Confidence?

                                                                               

One of the core issues I coach my clients on is confidence. I found a great book with lots of juicy material on how to bridge the gap between fear and confidence called "The Confidence Gap" by Russ Harris. 

5 Main Reasons for Low Self-Confidence-

1. Excessive expectations
2. Harsh self judgement
3. Preoccupation with fear
4. Lack of experience
5. Lack of skills  

Which of these reasons is holding you back from doing something that's on your bucket list?  According to Harris, here's how you get good at doing anything: First practice the skills necessary to accomplish your goal.  Second, apply them effectively. Third, assess the results, and fourth, modify as needed.  That's it.  It may seem oversimplified, but it's the truth. Don't allow yourself to believe that you must wait until you feel more confident to attempt something a little scary.

Here are the rules of confidence according to "The Confidence Gap":

Rule 1-

The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later.

Rule 2-

Genuine confidence is not the absence of fear; it is the transformed relationship with fear.

Rule 3-

Negative thoughts are normal.  Don't fight them; defuse them.

Rule 4-

Self-acceptance trumps self-esteem.

Rule 5-

Hold your values lightly, but pursue them vigorously.

Rule 6-

True success is living by your values.

Rule 7-

Don't obsess about the outcome; get passionate about the process.

Rule 8-

Don't fight your fear; allow it, befriend it, channel it.

Rule 9-

Failure hurts- but if we're willing to learn, it's a wonderful teacher.

Rule 10-

The key to peak performance is total engagement in the task.

Ask yourself these questions- if you had unlimited confidence, how would you behave differently? How would you talk to yourself?  What would you start doing?  What would you stop doing? Now act as if you already have the confidence you think you need to move forward.  Let me know what daring adventure you embark upon when you take a risk and jump into the unknown!

Do a Terrible Job

                                                                                    

So I am studying with my teacher, Martha Beck, to be a master life coach. 

It is a rigorous and prestigious program that I am thrilled to be a part of.  

Our first assignment was to write a self help article to post on a forum for the other students and teachers to critique.  

Then we were critiqued by Martha.  

She's a very famous author of extremely popular self help books and two best selling memoirs. 

And she has a monthly column in Oprah's magazine.  

Martha was going to read what I wrote and then she was going to tell me what was wrong with it. 

A while ago, this would have struck terror in me...I would have been frozen with fear and had stories galore about what a terrible writer I am, and how awful this experience was going to be.  

But something strange happened- I decided that I was willing to totally suck at my assignment. 

That decision freed me.

I decided that I am a student, so it is my job to attempt and fail, and then attempt again.  

I am not a great writer, and I truly never really aspired to be a published author.  

Several of my classmates dream of publishing memoirs or having their own self help column in a magazine. 

Not me.  

At some point it would be nice to write a book, but it's not dying to erupt from my loins.  

Martha is a world class writer, and that's what she always wanted to be.  

Why would I compare my own writing to hers? 

Why would I despair at the fear that she is going to say my writing is shit, and I need to give up for good?  

What's funny is, she actually told our class that we are all excellent writers already.  

Martha gave us constructive criticism about how to make our articles better- and without fail, I thought her ideas were completely on target. 

I am honored to learn from a master! 

It doesn't mean I have to be a master writer, ever.

It means I have to put my ego to the side, open my ears, listen to the feedback and continue to write from an earnest place.  

It means I have to be willing to do a terrible job, then learn from my mistakes, and drop the idea of being perfect.  

Because of that, I am becoming a better writer.

What are you willing to suck at? 

Where are you willing to put your ego to the side?  

What are you afraid to try because you don't know what the hell you're doing?  

Challenge yourself to start anyway.  

Attempt and fail.  

Take stock, and attempt again. 

It's the only way to grow.