Last
month, I wrote about some things that I stopped doing that transformed
my life. Let me elaborate on how I stopped doing things that were
counterproductive, and what I started doing instead.
1. I stopped living in fear.
According
to The Course in Miracles, there are only two real emotions- love and fear.
Everything else is a byproduct of the two.
Whenever I find myself in a situation, I start by thinking-
am I being motivated by love or fear right now?
If I have to ask, it usually
means fear!
It may be fear of being hurt, fear of not being liked, fear of
doing the wrong thing. Instead of
thinking about all the things that could go wrong if I take a chance, I changed
my thinking to focus on all the things I stand to gain if I am brave enough to
be bold.
2.
I stopped trying so hard.
I used to
try ridiculously hard to please other people.
Through much pain and suffering,
I realized that was a total waste of time, and impossible to do on a regular
basis.
Now I try to please myself instead.
I do what I want for who I want,
when I want to do it. It sounds simplistic- but it’s actually more possible
than you think.
It’s efficient, has no strings attached, and I feel much less
resentful as a result.
3.
I stopped trying to fix other people.
Before I became an actual life coach, I was a wannabe life coach.
I would see
people’s issues, and I would try to “help” them.
Sometimes, people were grateful.
But sometimes, I jumped in
to help when I hadn’t been asked to help.
That can be kinda awkward, and
possibly irritating.
So I trained to be a life coach, and now I work with
people that actually ask for my help.
Much better.
4. I stopped thinking that success has to be
difficult.
I used to think
that people who were successful had to work incessantly, swallow a lot of
corporate crap, play politics, and do a lot of things that they didn’t really
want to do.
I believe this model is outdated.
Being successful begins
with defining what success means to you.
For me it means using my talents,
working with wonderful people, making a difference, having a flexible schedule,
continually growing, and being paid what I’m worth.
Having work that
encompasses those characteristics doesn’t feel difficult at all!
5. I stopped
thinking I need to work first and play later to be successful.
I’ve found that
when I regularly intersperse work with play, I get more done.
When I take
little fun breaks throughout the day to have lunch with a friend, play with my
dogs, or go to a meetup to learn about something new- I end up inspired,
refreshed and ready to work again rather than burned out and pissed off that
I’m always working.
Even an hour at the mall window shopping does the trick for
me.
6. I stopped
strategizing and being so damned logical.
I’ve learned that using more logic and
less heart is a lethal combination in my line of work.
I much prefer using an intuitive,
feel good approach when making business decisions and I’ve cut down on my need
to control for the outcome.
More heart, less brain.
Crazy, right?
It may look
like magical thinking to some, but I’m here to tell you that it works.
7. I stop and
rest when I am tired rather than pushing through.
This should be
self explanatory, but in our culture, we have a work ethic that commends suffering
and exhaustion.
I am personally over that.
Just look around- stressed out,
freaked out, diseased people everywhere.
I jumped off that crazy train, and I
invite you to do the same.
Embrace
“good enough” with the parts of your life that aren’t crucial, and go for
awesome with what is really important.
8. I stopped
hiding from my gifts.
This is a particularly tough one- because we are
taught to demonstrate false modesty. I look at it this way…we are all given
gifts for a reason.
Use your gifts to help the world- whether it’s to
entertain, to heal, to advance technologically, to serve or to protect.
It’s
our obligation.
Quit hiding your brilliance, the world needs you to show up.
9. I stopped
watching the crime blotter, otherwise known as “the news”.
Our nervous
systems are not made to deal with every heinous act committed on our planet, 24
hours a day, in color, on every device we possess that communicates with the
outside world.
It’s too much.
I glance at the events going on in the world via
my home page, and do the very best I can to be a helpful, kind person to every
single person I encounter.
Obsessing about criminal activity does not help me
to serve humanity- it makes me afraid to leave my house.
Much more good goes on
in the world than bad, but that doesn’t sell- fear does.
I just don’t have to
buy it.
10. I stopped
playing small so that other people would like me.
I have a huge
fear of people saying “who does she think she is?”
It doesn’t really go away, no
matter how hard I try.
Here are the facts- I’ve worked very hard to have a
great marriage, hilarious good hearted kids, friends I couldn’t live without,
good health, financial security and work that I love.
I'm almost afraid to say all of that out loud.
(Presently knocking on wood while throwing salt over my shoulder and crossing my toes!)
I have been both lucky
and burdened by life circumstances that I had no control over.
I’ve chosen love
more than I’ve chosen fear, and I’ve tried hard to clean out the dark and scary
places in my own mind by shining light on the shadows and being extremely
uncomfortable in the process.
My life is wonderfully fulfilling, sometimes
messy and almost always authentic.
I wouldn’t have it any other way, and if
that means I am too much for some- then they are not my people.
And I am
finally really good with that.
So there you go, from crappy to happy in 10 not so easy steps.
Let me know if you need help, I'm here :)
