Disappointed? Bummed Out? Recalculate and Get Over It!

Putting out a new offering can feel like giving birth.

It’s a lotta work, it’s tiring, it hurts, and when it’s over, your love your baby.

Then you want everyone else to love your baby as much as you do.

And then we are bummed out when everybody doesn’t come to the hospital immediately to worship our baby!

Fellow life coach extraordinaire Mary Welty-Dapkus and I had this great idea to facilitate an all day workshop on the chakra system (it’s one of the most important aspects of your wellbeing that you may not know much about) called “Camp Chakra”.

Mary came up with a kick-ass logo, I created a witty marketing page, we both designed a beautiful workbook, lesson plan, group activity and craft project.

We’ve spent weeks preparing the best possible experience we can for our participants, and we really believe in our approach to the information we are sharing.

We both promoted the heck out of the event to all our people, and then some!

Everyone we talked to about it thought it was a cool idea and loads said they wanted to attend.

But with only five days before the event we had four people signed up to attend- hardly the “camp” experience we had envisioned.

Camp needs campers, yes?

Were we disappointed? Yes.

Bummed out? Kinda.

Defeated? Almost…until we decided to get over it.

Our egos can really mess with us- tell us BS stories about how much we suck, how we aren’t good enough, how maybe we should just go die and eat some worms….

Give up? Hell no!

Mary and I made like a GPS, and decided to recalculate.

We just postponed the date, to October 20^th- to give all the people who told us that they wanted to come a little more notice.

And guess what? We already have more campers- happy campers!!!

Timing really is everything.

So the next time you work really hard on a project, or a diet, or a relationship, and you find yourself disappointed with the results- get up, dust yourself off, and get over it.

Sometimes it’s not about YOU.

Sometimes, the timing is wrong.

Sometimes maybe you just need to recalculate….tweak it, freshen it up, try something new.

But don’t give up.

Your success may be just around the bend where you can’t quite see it yet.

Happy trails campers!

(If you are interested in taking the energy expedition that is “Camp Chakra”- sign up HERE, class is limited to 20)

I Made Contact!

I hope you all had a great summer and you are excited about the coming change of seasons. I had the time of my life a few weeks ago when several friends and I went to Laguna Beach for a week-long class on mediumship with James Van Praagh. 

It was like psychic summer camp! 

For 5 straight days we received readings and gave readings- it was fantastic!

And I am thrilled to say that all of us made contact with “the other side”.

It sounds so dramatic, maybe even scary- but I am here to tell you that it was neither.

Here was my experience…

*I did not physically see any spirits, I “saw” impressions that came into my mind’s eye.

*Talking to spirits is not actually dramatic, it’s much like talking to anyone else, but it’s harder to see and hear what they are saying!

*Dead does not mean smart or necessarily evolved. Spirits retain their personalities that they had on Earth. Pushy in life, pushy in the after life!

*You don’t always hear from the person you think you will. The spirit is in charge of whether that happens.

*It’s hard work on the spirit’s part to communicate a clear message, and some spirits are more skilled at it than others.

*You can learn to communicate with your loved ones in spirit by dismissing the mind chatter and focusing on the heart to heart connection you feel.

I was amazed at our ability to receive and communicate credible evidential details from spirits!

As in, “I see a blonde lady named Pat who says she’s 57 when she passed away and she had a lot of trouble with her stomach, she’s calling you “Lynnie”.

I think she’s your aunt, and she is telling me something about your real estate.”

Turns out it was the client’s (Linda) Aunt Pat, who called her niece “Lynnie”, died at 57, plagued with stomach trouble, and she left Linda her HOUSE!

Not too shabby for a beginner J

So what has all this talking to the dead taught me?

It’s reaffirmed my belief in the afterlife, and reignited my passion for teaching people how to use and trust their intuition.

Intuition is the language of the soul, and I can’t think of a more important language to be fluent in.

I’d love to hear any spirit communication stories you have!

Maybe I Will See Dead People

Last year around this time I was sporting some bright pink streaks in my hair.

I was having fun by being myself and playing around outside my comfort zone. 

This year I’m doing that in a whole new way- not with silly hair, but by taking a class that is wayyyyy outside most people’s view of “normal.”

But that’s how I roll, so here it is…I’m going to Laguna Beach in August to take an intensive weeklong class in mediumship.

As in, learning to talk to dead people.

Like “Long Island Medium” without the long nails and helmet hair.

I’ll be learning from a very famous and well respected (if you’re into this sort of thing) medium James Van Praagh.

I’ve followed his work for 20 years, and I love that he helps people with their grief and how he teaches about spirituality with so much love and so little ego.

I’ve had so many people ask me why mediumship fascinates me so much.

I’ll tell you why- it validates my belief in the after life.

I love how hearing a message from a departed loved one can help a grieving person with the healing process.

It proves to me that this is not all there is- that our existence has meaning and purpose beyond our every day life and that our spirits survive long after our bodies are gone.

It’s the next step on my intuitive journey.

This year I’ve learned even more new tools for reading energy that have broadened my career scope and deepened my skills as an intuitive coach.

I’ve always wanted to take this class, but I’ve never given myself permission.

When my friend Ama told me she was taking it, at first I was a little jealous.

And then I remembered what I tell my clients about jealousy…

“If you’re jealous of someone else, don’t be mad at yourself.  Let it be a sign that tells you what you want.”

Well that desire spoke to me loud and clear through my jealousy, and I started the process of breaking down all of my crappy thoughts that I was thinking about why now is not a good time to take this class.

“I can always learn later.”

“It’s too far away. Maybe someday he’ll come up here and teach it.”

“I shouldn’t spend the money on tuition and travel right now.”

“It’s kind of self-indulgent.”

When I hit on that last one, I knew it was time to call my own bluff.

The fact that it felt self-indulgent was how I knew it was good for me to put my money where my mouth is.

It feels so fabulous, exciting and nurturing to my soul to allow myself this gift.

Now Ama and I have two other friends (yay Carolyn and Mike!) going with us, and my husband Alex is coming to Laguna to do some art business with the galleries in the area.

Win, win, win!

We’re meeting Mike’s wife, our good friend and Reiki master Chellie Kammermeyer, for a day in Catalina- and we’ll be stopping over in Santa Barbara for my birthday before heading home.

Happy birthday to me!

So, I’m telling you all of this not just to keep you abreast of my summer plans, but to encourage you to do that thing that you keep saying you want to do, but just haven’t done it yet.

And to really own who you are and what you are interested in, even if you might be judged or ridiculed for it.

Because even if you lose a few people as a result of being true to you, I promise you there will be many more who will gravitate toward you because they really dig who you are and what you do.

Go forth and own your inner weirdo!

You are worth being “self-indulgent”.

If you don’t indulge yourself, who will?

Are you afraid to get what you want?

                                                                              

I am a card-carrying Anglophile.

I absolutely LOVE anything English!

Come to my house and you will see every sort of London décor possible- crowns, union jack teapots, and Big Bens.

There are red double decker buses and quaint English phone booths.

Alex and I are both half English by descent, and would be thrilled to build and live in a castle one day.

To fulfill a life long dream, we are planning a trip to London next summer.

We've brought the kids to Europe twice before, and Alex and I went to London and Paris alone in 2000.

I've been dying to go back and bring the kids with us since then!

My son, Tyler, will be graduating from college and my son, Cristian, will be graduating from high school.

To commemorate the occasion- we’ve been planning to do it up big! 

Now the day is finally here when we can use our frequent flyer miles, decide on where to stay, and plan our sight seeing agenda.

As the impending vacation became more and more real, and less of a “someday”- I noticed something.

I was questioning my choice to go to England.

I thought, “You know, maybe it would be fun to go to France, or Holland, or maybe back to Mexico.”

I started investigating other cities on other continents.

Then I realized what was happening.

 I was afraid to get what I wanted.

Seriously…I realized that I was much more comfortable with the idea of spending two weeks and boat load of cash to visit where our ancestors lived, than the actuality of it.

 It was almost as if it was better to be in a state of wanting than in a state of receiving. 

I found that I am not alone in this bizarre quandary.

I see clients all the time that are just about to get what they want, and they start to pull the emergency brake.

Out of fear. Fear of what?

Fear of realizing their dreams.

Fear of success.

Fear of how their lives will change when they get what they want.

Then what will happen?

Being on the edge of a dream coming true is scary, and no one tells us about that.

We wonder if it will live up to it’s expectations.

We wonder what will be next once we transition from a state of desire into the state of receiving. 

It’s all about the chase.

Where do you find yourself putting the brakes on when you are in serious danger of making your dream come true?

How do you see yourself holding back to keep the tension of anticipation alive?

When are you stonewalling and staying on the outside looking in?

Now that I’m on to my own tricky game, I’m calling it’s bluff.

We are making the reservations, and we will enjoy this trip with all the gusto we have.

My family is very excited about all that we will see and discover.

It’s OK to cash in your chips, people.

Don’t hoard your dreams to live them out “someday”.

There is a new dream just around the corner…

Self-compassion 101

Disappointment

A break up

Sickness

Loss

Not getting the job

Financial setback

Criticism

Betrayal

“I shouldn’t be letting this bother me,” you may say.

“I should be over this,” you proclaim.

But you’re not over it, and it IS bothering you.

And fighting it only makes the suffering last longer.

Because arguing with reality is a no-win situation.

Surrender. It’s time to surrender.

This does NOT mean you give up.

It means that you stop the struggle and just feel your feelings about what is happening.

No judging, no denial, no nastiness.

Stop. Fighting. It.

Put down your shield. Put down your sword.

Surrender.

“But if I allow myself to feel, I may start crying and never freaking stop.”

Yes, you will. You absolutely will stop crying.

It may take 5 days, but you will stop.

This is where self-compassion comes in.

When you stop putting a band-aid on your discomfort.

When you allow yourself to actually feel the uncomfortable emotions you are trying to mask.

And you don’t try to shame it away, blame it away, drink it away, eat it away, 

smoke it away, shop it away, or “I’m so busy” it away.

All these feelings need is to be acknowledged and witnessed.

Not fixed, or cheered up, or told tomorrow will be better.

Just be with those feelings.

Notice what they bring up.

And then be kind to yourself for having the courage to be human.

Treat yourself like you would a small child who has been hurt.

Wrap her in a blanket and put on her favorite movie.

Make sure she has plenty of soup or ice cream, 7Up or ginger tea.

Give her a bath with delicious scents and fluffy towels.

Allow her to heal, to rest, to restore.

And then when you feel like it, brave a new day with your heart wide open.

Because it takes courage to thrust yourself back into life after disappointment or loss.

It takes courage to live life unguarded.

You cannot inoculate yourself from pain unless you inoculate yourself from joy.

They go hand in hand.

Be kind to yourself, life wild and free.

Because when your heart is broken, it’s open.

It means you are alive.

“Courage is fear that has said its prayers and decided to go forward anyway.” ~Joyce Meyer

How I Went From Crappy to Happy Part 2

Last month, I wrote about some things that I stopped doing that transformed my life. Let me elaborate on how I stopped doing things that were counterproductive, and what I started doing instead.

1. I stopped living in fear.

According to The Course in Miracles, there are only two real emotions- love and fear. 

Everything else is a byproduct of the two.  

Whenever I find myself in a situation, I start by thinking- am I being motivated by love or fear right now? 

If I have to ask, it usually means fear! 

It may be fear of being hurt, fear of not being liked, fear of doing the wrong thing.  Instead of thinking about all the things that could go wrong if I take a chance, I changed my thinking to focus on all the things I stand to gain if I am brave enough to be bold.

2. I stopped trying so hard.

I used to try ridiculously hard to please other people. 

Through much pain and suffering, I realized that was a total waste of time, and impossible to do on a regular basis. 

Now I try to please myself instead. 

I do what I want for who I want, when I want to do it. It sounds simplistic- but it’s actually more possible than you think. 

It’s efficient, has no strings attached, and I feel much less resentful as a result.

3. I stopped trying to fix other people. 

Before I became an actual life coach, I was a wannabe life coach.

I would see people’s issues, and I would try to “help” them.  

Sometimes, people were grateful. 

But sometimes, I jumped in to help when I hadn’t been asked to help. 

That can be kinda awkward, and possibly irritating. 

So I trained to be a life coach, and now I work with people that actually ask for my help. 

Much better.

4. I stopped thinking that success has to be difficult. 

I used to think that people who were successful had to work incessantly, swallow a lot of corporate crap, play politics, and do a lot of things that they didn’t really want to do. 

I believe this model is outdated. 

Being successful begins with defining what success means to you.

For me it means using my talents, working with wonderful people, making a difference, having a flexible schedule, continually growing, and being paid what I’m worth. 

Having work that encompasses those characteristics doesn’t feel difficult at all!

5. I stopped thinking I need to work first and play later to be successful.

I’ve found that when I regularly intersperse work with play, I get more done. 

When I take little fun breaks throughout the day to have lunch with a friend, play with my dogs, or go to a meetup to learn about something new- I end up inspired, refreshed and ready to work again rather than burned out and pissed off that I’m always working. 

Even an hour at the mall window shopping does the trick for me.

6. I stopped strategizing and being so damned logical.

I’ve learned that using more logic and less heart is a lethal combination in my line of work. 

I much prefer using an intuitive, feel good approach when making business decisions and I’ve cut down on my need to control for the outcome. 

More heart, less brain. 

Crazy, right? 

It may look like magical thinking to some, but I’m here to tell you that it works.

7. I stop and rest when I am tired rather than pushing through. 

This should be self explanatory, but in our culture, we have a work ethic that commends suffering and exhaustion.

I am personally over that. 

Just look around- stressed out, freaked out, diseased people everywhere. 

I jumped off that crazy train, and I invite you to do the same.  

Embrace “good enough” with the parts of your life that aren’t crucial, and go for awesome with what is really important.

8. I stopped hiding from my gifts. 

This is a particularly tough one- because we are taught to demonstrate false modesty. I look at it this way…we are all given gifts for a reason. 

Use your gifts to help the world- whether it’s to entertain, to heal, to advance technologically, to serve or to protect. 

It’s our obligation. 

Quit hiding your brilliance, the world needs you to show up.

9. I stopped watching the crime blotter, otherwise known as “the news”.

Our nervous systems are not made to deal with every heinous act committed on our planet, 24 hours a day, in color, on every device we possess that communicates with the outside world. 

It’s too much. 

I glance at the events going on in the world via my home page, and do the very best I can to be a helpful, kind person to every single person I encounter. 

Obsessing about criminal activity does not help me to serve humanity- it makes me afraid to leave my house. 

Much more good goes on in the world than bad, but that doesn’t sell- fear does. 

I just don’t have to buy it.

10. I stopped playing small so that other people would like me.

I have a huge fear of people saying “who does she think she is?”

It doesn’t really go away, no matter how hard I try. 

Here are the facts- I’ve worked very hard to have a great marriage, hilarious good hearted kids, friends I couldn’t live without, good health, financial security and work that I love.

I'm almost afraid to say all of that out loud. 

(Presently knocking on wood while throwing salt over my shoulder and crossing my toes!)

I have been both lucky and burdened by life circumstances that I had no control over. 

I’ve chosen love more than I’ve chosen fear, and I’ve tried hard to clean out the dark and scary places in my own mind by shining light on the shadows and being extremely uncomfortable in the process. 

My life is wonderfully fulfilling, sometimes messy and almost always authentic. 

I wouldn’t have it any other way, and if that means I am too much for some- then they are not my people. 

And I am finally really good with that.

So there you go, from crappy to happy in 10 not so easy steps. 

Let me know if you need help, I'm here :)