Saturday, July 16, 2011

The Narcissist and Victim Vampires

Dr. Judith Orloff identifies five emotional vampire types in her book “Emotional Freedom”.

They are:
1) The Narcissist
2) The Victim 
3) The Controller
4) The Criticizer 
5) The Splitter

The Narcissist Vampire-
You know that joke-“Enough about me, what do YOU think about me?” 

Yup, that’s a narcissist. 

Everything is about them.

They believe they are extremely special, love the spotlight, and feel very entitled to attention and admiration. 

They are dangerous because they lack empathy and have a very limited ability to love. 

The Narcissist Vampire can be very charming- but it’s a ruse to obtain your sympathy, attention, admiration, soul...

Narcissist Kryptonite- DISINTEREST.

Do NOT try to please this person- you will end up in an inescapable black hole of emotional need. 

You will never measure up, do enough, or be enough. 

Make sure that you keep your boundaries up, yourself centered, and do not fall for any new bait- which consists of more drama and emotional hooks.

The Victim Vampire-
Debby Downer or Needy Neighbor.

“Poor me, woe is me, everyone is mean to me, I am a martyr, and nothing is ever my fault.” 

It’s always someone else putting him in a bad situation. 

“I’m the black sheep, I never get promoted, I never get to do what I want, other people are trying to keep me down, they’re jealous of me...etc.” 

Here in America, victimhood is a choice- but you’d never know it coming from this vampire. 

You’ll know you’ve hit your limit with a victim if you never want to answer her calls, stall making plans,
feel drained by her requests for time, assistance or attention, her neediness pulls you into a funk.

Victim Kryptonite- DISENGAGEMENT.

You can say, “I’m sorry that happened and I can see you are very upset about this situation. I can listen for a few minutes- but you need to come up with a strategy to overcome this problem.” 

Feeling sorry for our selves rarely helps anything, so suggest a serving of gratitude with a helping of optimism and call it a day.

Next time we will look at controller and criticizer vampires.

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